(Or:
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better)
By Katie Beth
1. Start at your 9 month check up, gaining less weight than desired.
2. Three weeks before your desired day of attention, begin sporting 103.5 temperatures, off and on, with no real reason and no side effects.
3. Baffle doctors when Mom takes you in after 2 weeks of this.
4. And this is important, choose a weekend full of big plans, most of which you'd be certain to be a spectator rather than a participant.
5. That particular weekend, shoot the fever up to an all time high.
6. This should result in a baffled Mommy and Daddy and a full day at the doctor's office (if possible, plan this for a Saturday, so as to cancel the family trip to Dewberry Farm).
7. Make sure your white blood count is up.
8. (This is where the first step factors in.) Your tiny size, coupled with your elevated white blood count and inexplicable high temperature, will be sure to get your doctors worried. The most important part, step 8, is to make sure this all happens on a Sunday, when there is no other choice but to go straight to the ER.
9. If at all possible, coordinate with the doctor to call Daddy with this news right before he goes on to lead worship for the first time ever.
10. Since Daddy isn't immediately available, Mommy and DD will come along with you to the ER. Daddy will join you after he plays his music, giving you 3 adults, trapped for 6.5 hours, in a tiny room with nothing to do but lavish attention on you. (It's polite to think of Sister, too - make sure her Nana can take her to her first ever Tea Party and provide her with a day of fun.)
Bonus Step: If somehow you notice Sister regains control of the attention when you return home, you can finish the night with a 45 minute scream fest resulting from excessive constipation.
Yes, you will be poked and prodded and stuck and x-rayed, but those are small prices to pay for the sympathy, love, and special treatment you receive. And, I haven't proven this yet, but I suspect that the week following a traumatic series of events such as these will be full of more sympathy, more love, and more special treatment.
Sister may have made a trip to the ER, but I think I've got her beat. Go ahead, Avery. Anything you can do, I can do better!