Sunday, April 25, 2010

How Is This My Fault?

Dear Mom and Dad,

Let me start with this:
I hear what you have been saying about me and my sister Dottie. You talk about me with disdain and open frustration as if we're not right here listening to you. It's very demeaning.

Next, I'd like to set the record straight on several topics of discussion.

I am the first child in this family. If you wanted me to believe I was just a pet, you should have treated me as such from the beginning. But instead, YOU coddled me and babied me and taught me to think I'm the most important thing in your life. If I act spoiled sometimes, it's on YOU, not me.

I use the floor as my own personal bathroom. So does Dottie. This is non-negotiable, and nothing can change it. It will be much more peaceful if you come to terms with this. Your choices are:
a) Leave us to do what we want while you are gone.
b) Lock us in a kennel. We've proven before that this is disastrous. You get home to poop-smeared dogs and kennel every time. Learn this already!
c) Lock us in the back yard. Also worth learning: you'll arrive home to mud-covered dogs, a dug up back yard, and us sitting on your front porch when you arrive home.
It should be said here that again, this is not on us. YOU are the one who chooses to leave us in the first place. Make sure you understand where the fault lies here.

Basic 'human' food rules: If it is on the short table, it's mine. If it is in a child's hand, it's mine. If it is on the dinner table and you aren't home, it's mine.
Therefore, it should come as no surprise when you arrive home to find my paw prints on the chair and a cake half-eaten. If you were supposed to deliver it in an hour and worked on it for a whole day... not my fault. You didn't want it eaten? Don't leave it out!
And a side note on this: I don't get it when you popped me after I stole Avery's pb&j a few hours later. What? This is what I do. I'm not sure I understand where your anger issues come from.

Listen. I am a gem. If you don't get that and can't start appreciating me for who I am, then Aunt Sandie says she'd be happy to take me back. And I'd probably be happier there anyways. She loves me for who I am.

CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES OF THE WEEK (including my handiwork)

The Sadly Misunderstood Oscar Mayer

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Boys Vs. Girls

Mommy and I have been noticing some basic differences between us girls and some of the guys in our lives.

Boys: Have camping parties with live goldfish and caterpillars and crickets.
Girls: Give royal nicknames to the ladies in my family: Princess Maya (me), Princess Candice Alicia (Kate), Princess Bat Girl (Mommy), and Princess Polka Dot (Amelia). (And when people ask me if Mommy is a Super Hero, I get very confused. A Super Hero? No, she just happened to get a bat ring in a prize box the other day.)

Boys: Go camping and eat their share of wild game. Including a rabbit. And a snake.
Girls: Go to Disney on Ice. Dressed as princesses.

It's probably better that Mommy had girls. And so far, that we're happy being girly for the most part. She's good at tea parties and dressing in princess attire. Not so much with acting brave around bugs.

Princess Maya McClinton

Monday, April 12, 2010

Happy Birthday, DD!

My DD turned another year older this weekend, and I got to help him celebrate in style. First, I painted a poster for him. Katie Beth helped. By standing on it and tracking paint all over the kitchen.

Then, Mommy and Daddy made him a special cake (with my critical eye giving advice here and there). It wasn't going to be ready until Sunday, so when I went to spend the night with him on Saturday night, I tried so hard not to give away the secret...

In the bathtub...
(Rolling out a washcloth) "DD, I'm making some fondant for my cake." (Oops!)

In the kitchen, later...
"DD! For your birthday, I'm giving you a..." (warning look from Nana)... "Kate!"

On Sunday, we went to The Aquarium to celebrate DD's birthday. He really loves me and Kate, because he's happily given up restaurants like Fogo De Chao for birthday celebrations in favor of the happy screams and shrieks he gets at The Aquarium. For DD's birthday, I got to ride the train into the shark tunnel, ride the carousel, dance with bubbles, count eels, squeal with glee at the sea horses, and eat a delicious meal. Thank you for loving me so much, DD, that you choose such a special place for me to eat at on your birthday!

Avery "Celebrate in Style" McClinton

Monday, April 5, 2010

Egg Hunting Tips

This was my first Easter to participate in, and it took me a few egg hunts to figure out the subtle ins and outs of professional egg hunting. Now that I've got it down to a science, I want to make sure I don't forget any of it by next year.

Notes to self:

*Not all eggs are created equal. Some are full of chocolate and some just have goldfish. It is imperative to check the egg before putting it into the basket. Can't have any goldfish-filled eggs taking up all of the space in the basket!

*Once the Easter basket gets full, Mommy tries to take it away and give me an empty one. No way! The solution: don't ever let your basket get full. Once there are a good number of eggs in the basket, sit down and open and eat many of the eggs. Leave the empty ones (and the plain ole goldfish ones) in the grass. Then, continue the hunt.

*There are several confetti eggs hidden among the others. You can tell these by the tissue paper tops. Total waste of time. Step over them if you must, but do not put them in your basket.

And one more note to Mom and Dad: Avery and I are only two girls, not a whole village. At some point, the amount of eggs in our backyard becomes boring. Two basket fulls of eggs for each of us is probably plenty for the next go 'round.

CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES FROM THE WEEK (including a trip to Lockhart, Avery's class butterfly release, Easter Fest at the church and 3 egg hunts! 58 pictures total - sorry for the excess.)

Katie Beth Egg Hunter Pro McClinton